actualization

Being with you made me happy. Content. For the first time in my life. You always thought I was not totally invested in the relationship. You were wrong. You thought I was “keeping my options open”. Another place that you were wrong. I only loved you and wasn’t interested in anyone else. The rare occasion someone would show some interest in me, I simply told them that I was in a relationship. That was all. No bullshit, no games. I can’t understand how you can’t see that! I can’t understand why you can’t just accept what I tell you.

I made one mistake at the beginning of our relationship. There’s a few reasons for that that we won’t get into because you know them. But if you tell me that you forgive me, than forgive me.

I know you want to see me the same way you see other guys, the other ones that have hurt you, lied to you, and cheated on you. But I am not them and I am not the mistakes that I have made. You want to jam me into your narrow view of men and pretend that I was the one that did you so wrong, never looking at yourself. One thing everyone should do before making a decision about staying in or leaving a relationship is look hard at themselves and ask, “What if I am wrong here”? You never did that. You never considered your role in our difficulties and that you could be wrong about some of or a lot of the things that you chose to believe. It’s so fucking frustrating.

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